Mother Drowns Self and Children: Why and What about the Boy who Survived
Sunday, April 17, 2011 at 02:17AM In the infamous case years ago, Susan Smith locked her children in a car and sent it into the river, drowning and killing them. She reportedly thought they were inhibiting her relationship with a man.
Now, another woman does the same, but this time, grabbing on tightly her children with her in the car, driving it into the Hudson River, to kill them.
Miraculously, her 10 year old son survived, crawling out of the car window and swimming to safety.
He then took the police to the place where the car went under. Was this wise? I was asked by TV host Jane Velez Mitchell on her TV show ISSUES, which aired April 15th.
As many people might suspect from common sense, going back to the scene of a trauma right away can be re-traumatizing for some, especially when someone is in shock, and especially for a little boy. Later, returning to the scene can help processing – I have done this b taking people to the water’s edge after they experiences the terrors and loss after the tsunami in Sri Lanka -- but only if there is psychological help in how to process by releasing the anxiety of the experience (which this boy did not apparently get).
The NY Post newspaper headline screamed “River Boys’ Smile.” I am shocked. People can smile in nervousness and fear but this child is undoubtedly in shock and severe trauma; he was just trapped in a car to drown – by his mother, grabbing on to his leg, from which he struggled free.
I fear for his suffering from survivor guilt, that he was the only one to escape when his younger subs – 5 and 2 year old half brothers and 11 month old half sister – drowned. He could not save them. Worse yet, he had plans to teach them to swim, which never were realized.
No doubt he will be depressed from the loss and trauma of his experience. And furious at his mother, for this act. He said his mother was holding on to all of them, saying “If I’m going to die, you’re all going to die with me.” He also she had regrets at the end.
The trauma can lead to much dysfunction in relationships -- including distrust and anger and even disgust towards women, given not only his mother’s heinous act, but her desperation leading to suicide and homicide from feeling so abandoned by the children’s father. What message does this give the little boy about women feeling strong and empowered?
I fear too for the time when this little boy has children and fears what their mother might do. It’s possible he may never want to have children, fearing such a repeated fate.
It is essential that he get help from a child psychologist.
Facebook plays a role in this tragedy too; as the mother posted on her Facebook page “I’m sorry everyone forgive me please for what I’m gonna do… this is it!!!” Her fantasy was to “always B 2together” – not an uncommon motive for a suicide, homicide or maternal filicide.
A woman must not be so desperate for a man or humiliated by his lack of attention or flaunting other women, hinging her life on him, losing her will to love if a man and deadbeat dad abandons her. Certainly mothers need to protect their children and not punish or endanger them or drag them down with her own fear of being alone or into her own depression. 
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